Amish in front, Poker in Rear

funny.

Jen Tilly on Tonight Show

Jen Tilly, winner of the 2005 Ladies Event at the World Series, was a guest on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and I jotted down the part where she talked, very rapidly, about poker. Read on for the almost stream-of-concious words from Tilly on how she felt about winning, whether she thinks she should be considered a pro, and her boyfriend, Phil Laak. My fave part is where she describes the chip counts when she was heads-up. 57 chips, huh?

Leno:
“But you can play poker. I was astounded. I would not have taken you for a poker player.”

Jennifer Tilly:
“I was astonished too. As it started to approach the moment where I thought I might possibly be winning a new piece of jewelry…I was freaking out. And you know, I had almost all the chips, I had like 1,300 chips and the other girl had maybe, um, 57 chips.

"And I was like I know, because I’m on ESPN and the camera are on me
There’s going to be some way I’m going to lose my entire stack in one hand.
But it did not happen.”

Leno:
“And how much did you win?”

Jennifer Tilly:
“I won $158,000. And I won the respect of all my fellow poker players. But I sort of think they’re not really respecting me, I think they’re respecting me to my face.

And I read articles where people are saying, ‘What do you think of Jennifer Tilly winning the World Series of poker?’ to other poker players and they’re very tactful, they’re like ‘Oh, well. You know, it’s good for everybody.’
But I think theyre thinking it’s a fluke.

Leno:
“Yeah?”

Jennifer Tilly:
In fact I know they’re thinking it’s a fluke. I think they’re thinking, “Oh Jennifer Tilly winning a is kind of like Pia Zadora winning a Golden Globe – it can happen.”

Leno:
“How did you get paid?”

Jennifer Tilly:
“You have your choices of how you get paid. You can get paid in a check that’s about this size, or you can get paid in cash, which is what all the poker players like. They love cash. Like I never understood the virtues of cash -- I always had credit cards, a lot of credit cards, and a little bit of cash.

“Cash is sexy. When you have a check it’s just a piece of paper. But
when you have cash and it’s like $10,000 -- it’s like that thick and the best sound in the world is when you snap the rubber band around it.

“So I wanted to pick up my money, $158,000 dollars in cash. Because I thought how big will it be? Will it be this big? Will it be that big? I was very excited, but I didn’t want to walk around with a big satchel of cash like in a bad movie.

“So I kept saying to Phil [Laak], my boyfriend, he’s a poker player too -- And one thing poker players do is they have cash stashed all over the world. They have no idea. He claims he has cash in Madagascar, or something. He says he buried under a tree. But everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie so I don’t know if that’s true.

“So I kept saying, ‘Let’s go I want to pick up my $158,000 dollars.’ He won $156,000 the exact same day playing Johnny Chan.

“I won two thousand dollars more than him and I won a gold bracelet. I’m not rubbing it in…but I think that that makes me a professional poker player, I don’t care what the other poker players say.

"So I was like ‘Let’s go get our money, let’s go get our money,” and he, just -- too tired. Couldn’t get around it. Phil used to come and visit me when we first started dating, he would say I’ll be around 8, 9 or whatever. And he used to live at the Commerce Casino, I mean I don’t mean to make him sound like a degenerate but that’s where he lived. So he would leave his room and there was always a poker game going on downstairs, he would never make it to my house. Maybe 17 hours later, maybe 32 hours later. So I said to Phil…

"Am I talking too fast?

And on that note, the story was never to be completed, as Leno steered her to discussing her new movie, “St. Ralph.” when he was able to get a word in edgewise. Pity.

Charity Tourney Tonight

Be there or be square. PokerStars Charlie Tuttle Tournament to benefit Vanderbilt University Cancer Clinic.

Details:

Where: PokerStars
When: Sunday, July 17th, 6:00 PM ET
Name: WPBT "Charlie" Tournament (#9680072)
Game: No Limit Hold'Em
Buy-in: $20

Once on PokerStars, look under the Private Tournament tab to find it.

Mike "the Mouth" Matusow

I figured since Mike "the Mouth" Matusow seems to have ended yesterday as the 2nd-place chip leader, I'd write up a profile of him over at about.com but I found precious little.

Anyone have any good info on our fearless chip leader?

"But I Wore the Juice!"

Way OT, but somehow the quote above made me laugh harder than 4,000 monkey clowns when I read it in this piece: Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One's Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments.

While I'm at it, another thing I found over at kottke's remaindered links that made me laugh: Reimagined Romance Novel Covers.

Happy Friday.

Poker & Whiskey? No way.

First, thanks to all for the congrats and well-wishing. With the WSOP underway, the poker site is up and running. Take a look. I am very, very open to submissions, and though I am very, very poor right now since I have no reliable income, I cannot promise money (yet), but I can promise linkage and pimpage from the poker site, which is part of about.com, which gets about 22 million unique visitors a month, which is owned by the NY Times, so you can be all "I wrote something (sort of) for the NY Times," and all that. If you have an idea or something you already wrote on your blog that you would like to submit, do so to me at poker.guide @ about.com.

Meanwhile, since I'm stuck here in NYC and I'm not in Vegas playing or reporting on the WSOP, I got back to my regular game last night and enjoyed a profitable dealer's choice filled night, which was also filled with much, much liquor. Good times, good times. I was getting sick good cards in five card draw -- was dealt three of a kind twice. I confused the drunken shit out of everyone when I called double-draw, and enjoyed turning California lowball from one player's favorite game to his most detested. And for a change used the chips to my bullying advantage when pot-limit games came to the drunken night to dance.

Anyway, when I came stumbling home, I found that an article I did an interview for came out in The Connecticut Post on women in poker. My favorite quote?

"'Maybe their father played down in the basement with cigar smoke and whiskey-drinking,' she said. 'Who wants to get involved with that?'"

Umm.. yeah. Who would want to get involved in that?

Poker.about.com

In April, I posted and called for people to Be the About.com guide to Poker. Then about.com decided not to start the site, against my advice. Then I decided I had to get out of working there 9-5, due to a number of things that have little to do with the company itself and a lot to do with my life outside of the job. But wait, I thought. If I wasn't on staff, I could be that guide to poker when they finally realized that "poker is red hot!"

So, as you might guess where this is going, I got the gig. I would like to say that I didn't intend it as a job for me when I suggested it, and really did want someone from the blogosphere to do it. But you know, a gals gotta seize the bull by the horns while the oven is hot or something. I think that's what my Italian teacher used to say.

I'm hoping that it will be a good thing for all the bloggers and poker players out there. I have schemes and plans. Right now it's pretty skeletal, but consider this my soft launch announcement or something.

And I hope you're all having a fine, fine long weekend. As for me, I can. not. wait. for fireworks!

na na na na na na na

Batman!
Batman!
Batman! (and friends)

Jen Tilly on Late Late Late Show

So I got back last night from my first experience as a "real" card dealer -- I totally wore a white waiter shirt and black skirt outfit and everything -- I dealt a charity tournament for the T.J. Martell Foundation. It was pretty interesting, to deal to a group of people who mostly didn't know the first thing about Texas Hold'em, and had paid $500 to help a good cause and maybe win 4 days on a private island or a weekend in a french Chateau. I'm telling you, the prizes were pretty impressive. Had I been playing, I totally would have been happy with 3rd too -- roundtrip tix for 2 to Vegas, put up at Caesars and tickets to see Motley Crue. Ok, I don't care about Motley Crue but, you know.

Anyway, when I got home, I wasn't sleepy so I ended up somehow watching the late, late show with Craig Ferguson, who I guess has taken over from the other Craig without me noticing. But yay I did, because Jennifer Tilly, 2005 Ladies WSOP winner, was a guest.

Wearing a cleavagetastic black dress and looking lovely, Tilly was there to promote her 'PG-13 lesbian role" in a new movie, which her boyfriend Phil "can I say the unabomber more" Laak apparently "Cried the whole way through" when they watched it. According to Tilly, "He cries a lot, Phil."

She then discussed how she needs a poker nickname better than Jen "The Boobs" Tilly, though her dress said otherwise. She suggested Jennifer "Tremble in Your Shoes" Tilly, while Ferguson countered with Jen "The Talker" Tilly. I do think something that references her unique vocal stylings is the direction to go.

She was especially funny/cute describing how a crowd gathered around her table. She figured that people thought, "Oh, there's that wacky, crazy Jennifer Tilly. Let's her watch her play poker and shenanigans will ensue!" But since after a fiasco on Poker Royale, she realized she could not be entertaining AND play poker -- so she would just put on her sunglasses and glower.

It was fun to watch. And she brought her bracelet and her boyfriend, Phil "It's the Bleach from my Hair Processes that Makes Me Cry" Laak, was smiling on the sidelines.